There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Randomize
