From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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