It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
