why didn't you poke me back
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
