hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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