I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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