She announced her abortion via fbk
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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