If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
