Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
