i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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