remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
