After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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