I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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