I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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