he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
