I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Randomize
