Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
