no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
