Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
