I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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