could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
