So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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