Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
