this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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