Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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