Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
