i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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