He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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