literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He better not be in your backpack
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
