But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
