You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
