I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
