Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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