He disabled his match.com account in front of me
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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