FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
