Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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