I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
