There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
