Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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