Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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