If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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