So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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