I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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