FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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