that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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