it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
