if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
