Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
