You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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