i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
