i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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